Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
