Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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