Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
