I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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