whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
