Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
