is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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