You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
