Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
