It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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