btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
