I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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