She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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