Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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