I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
