My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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