omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
