I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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