dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
