I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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