I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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