there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
