Quick, to the slutcave!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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