I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
