You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
