idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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