i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
