i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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