John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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