Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
