Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
