I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
