Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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