He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
