I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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