wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
