I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
