I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
