were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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