hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
