I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
