My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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