the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
did i just pee glitter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
