Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
