i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
