I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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