...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat gives me a boner
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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