I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
