I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
