Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
