it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
