hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
