I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
