how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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