guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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