Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
