I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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