Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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