There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
