Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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