Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and i looked up. we had an audience...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
