Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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