I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
