I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize