How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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