we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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